See through the distance
by kayimagine
Summary: Summary: this is my take on Quinn's absence from Rachel's life from the 2nd half of S4 onwards. Rachel's POV. Short pieces that explore Rachel's feelings through time. Slightly future!fic. Rated M for future possibilities.
1. Chapter 1

**See through the distance.**

A/N: what do you think of this kind of story telling? If you have some ideas, shoot, maybe they inspire me :)

Don't forget to check out my multi-chapter fic 'lean on me' and my one-shot for faberry week day 1 'reunion'.

Thank you in advance!

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Thursday, October 10th 2013.

Finn died last week and I constantly think the ground will disappear from under my feet. If it weren't for Kurt, I think I wouldn't have come back to Lima at all. Finn hasn't been my boyfriend in quite a while but that doesn't mean I didn't love him anymore. It's a loss I think I'll never be able to process. Apparently everyone has come back to Lima. Glee club supports me through my grief as I support them through their loss. We sing, it's the way we know how to communicate. Everyone's here except for one person though. I haven't heard from her since valentine's day. She doesn't answer my e-mails, doesn't reply to my texts, never calls me back. And it frustrated the hell out of me. I don't want to give in into the hurt I feel, so I don't allow myself to give it a second thought. For now.


	2. Chapter 2

**See through the distance.**

A/N: Don't forget to check out my multi-chapter fic 'lean on me' and my one-shot for faberry week day 1 'reunion'.

Thanks!

kayimagine . tumblr . com

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Sunday, November 10th 2013

His name spelled on the side of my stomach feels as closure. It's not meant as an eternal love declaration, it's meant as a hold on to a wonderful person I don't ever want to forget. The Glee members keep in touch and we find our way back to each other despite all of our crazy schedules and despite living in different states. We're each other's support system and I couldn't ask for more. Well, I could think of one person…

She texts me at 2 o'clock in the morning.

_'Rachel, I hope you're doing well in what must be a difficult time for you. I hope Kurt and Santana do their jobs and look after you, support you and are the best of friends to you. I'm sorry that I can't be there for you too, but I hope, one day, you'll understand. I hope you're still chasing your dreams and that you realize life's too short to hold out on the things you desire.'_

I don't understand what she means. She seems genuine, but I can't keep myself from crying with the realization that the one person I always wanted to be friends with, the girl I always supported, isn't there for me. Or for anyone else from glee club for that matter.


	3. Chapter 3

**See through the distance**

A/N.: Hi everyone! Thanks for reading this little fic. Make sure to review, I really appreciate it if you do! Happy holidays and be safe!

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Friday, February 10th 2014

My days are filled with rehearsals for Funny Girl and I couldn't be more thrilled about it. My life's back on track, I can finally see through the clouds again. I had let myself go for a while, but getting this part makes me realize life's too short to throw away. The whole ordeal makes me think about her text, the one that I had saved on my phone. Occasionally I still read it, trying to understand her motivations for dropping off the face of the earth, while still letting me know she cares, despite never replying ever since. It keeps my mind busy and I still don't understand her after all those years. I thought I did, but perhaps I was wrong. I try to not thing about it too much but a part of me can't let it go.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N.: hi everyone! Thanks for reading this little fic.

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Saturday, March 8th 2014

Santana, Kurt, Dani and I attend a party at one of our Nyada friend's dormitory and it's the first time in a while I'm having a great time again. Alcohol might be a factor in that statement. When I see a blonde girl with straight hair down to her shoulders, in a light blue dress and a white cardigan my mind automatically goes to her. I had to look twice to be certain it really wasn't her but unfortunately it wasn't the case. She must've noticed my staring and comes up to talk to me and I might've forgotten once or twice that she isn't the blonde I want it to be, because of the alcohol of course. The girl's voice isn't strikingly beautiful or husky, her eyes aren't all that captivating and her laugh doesn't sound as music to my ears but we spend all night dancing, talking and that's all I can remember. The whole ordeal makes me wonder why I think about her so much, even after all this time.


	5. Chapter 5

**See through the distance**

A/N.: hi everyone! Thanks for reading this little fic.

Kayimagine . tumblr . com

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Friday, April 11th 2014

I bow in front of the hundreds of people for the very first time. I accept their applause, the gifts, I look over to my friends sitting in the front row. I appreciate each and every one of them for sticking up with me since high school. Once behind the curtain, we are called back to the stage one last time. We bow again and I look over the crowd, having trouble adjusting to the bright spots shining on stage, and as if my eyes are fooling me, I find hazel ones in the back row. My first instinct is to march off stage but I can't, so the first thing I do when I do get off stage, is go find her. But as my search appeared fruitless, I'm convinced it was a friction of my imagination. When people unconsciously want something their mind will play tricks on them, I once heard. I return to my dressing room to find a bouquet of flowers on my make-up table. Gardenias. I immediately know who they're from. My heart races at the thought of her being here and I don't understand why. My best of friends are here and their presence doesn't make me nervous at all. But all I can think of is how attentive the gesture is. She once again doesn't reply to all of my texts asking why she didn't come greet me and once again she avoids the questions.

'You were magnificent' is written elegantly across the card.

Later when I ask everyone if someone had seen her, they all seem genuinely oblivious. Except for Santana and Kurt, whose eyes never met mine.


	6. Chapter 6

**See through the distance**

A/N.: Thanks for reading this little fic.

Kayimagine . tumblr . com

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Sunday, August 10th 2014

She sends me one flower after each and every performance, but there are no notes attached to it. It's as if she doesn't want me to forget her or be mad at her for doing what she did. And I find myself unable to harbor any negative feelings towards her. I never really did and I don't now. I begin to look forward to each and every flower she sends me, every time it gives me a little bit of hope that she will come back and we will once again be friends.


	7. Chapter 7

**See through the distance**

A/N.: hi everyone! Thanks for reading this little fic.

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Friday, September 5th 2014

The series of shows has come to an end and I find myself without pastime during the weekends for the first time since the end of last year.

I don't remember why I'm doing this but I can't go back now. Maybe the fact that I didn't get a single flower at my last performance has something to do with it. I find myself angry at her for the very first time.

I wander the halls of the Yale dormitory until I find the right name tag and I knock on the door, expecting to finally get some piece of mind. A lot of questions, still the same as always, have kept me busy. Santana and Kurt have told me each and every time to let it go, but I can't. It's one of the reasons why I haven't told them where I am. I don't know why I'm this stubborn about this but after a year and a half without demanding an explanation, I've reached my limit. I've realized some things and I want to clear the air.

I feel as if it all leads up to this particular moment, when surprised hazel eyes take me in.


	8. Chapter 8

**See through the distance**

A/N.: hi everyone! Thanks for reading this little fic.

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Continuation Friday, September 5th 2014

"What are you doing here?" She's dressed in comfortable shorts and a loose fitting Yale t-shirts, she sports a pair of thick rimmed glasses and her hair's in a messy ponytail. But nevertheless, she looks beautiful as always. I can't control myself as I throw my arms around her, catching her off guard as I feel her stiffen momentarily before wrapping her arms carefully around my waist, as if she's scared to break me.

She lets go of me too soon for my liking and seems to zone out.

"Are you going to let me stand here all evening?" The quiver in my voice gives away my nerves and I curse myself for sounding pathetic. But the sound of it seems to pull her out of whatever thought she's having.

A red shade makes its way on her cheeks and I feel pretty proud that I am the one making her blush, which is a thought that causes my heart to pound harder than it already is. "Of course." She steps aside and I step through the door, taking in her room. It's a single, which is quite unique, and I think back to the short period of time that I had to share my dorm with the most unlikable girl I met at Nyada. "If I had known someone was coming I'd have cleaned up a bit. It's a real mess right now." She says as she puts some things back to where they belong and straightens up her desk.

I say the first thing that comes to my mind, hoping to strike a conversation. "You've got a lot of books." I know it's a lame attempt but all the conversational ideas I had while on the train seem to have left my mind.

"I do." She clasps her hands in front of her and doesn't say anything more.

"Qui-" She interrupts my speech.

"Please don't." She sighs and goes to sit on the edge of her bed as she undoes her ponytail, revealing long wavy hair. I follow her movements distractedly, before joining her on the bed, opting to sit closely instead of putting some distance between us and sitting at her desk. "Please don't lecture me, I know okay?" Her voice sounds defeated with a hint of frustration. Is she frustrated with me or with herself? "I'm already beating myself up every day for how things have gone."

"Then why did you choose it?" It was the most important question of all.


	9. Chapter 9

**See through the distance**

A/N.: hi everyone! Thanks for reading this little fic.

kayimagine . tumblr . com

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Continuation Friday, September 5th 2014

She trails her hand through her hair as she speaks. "After 's wedding I uhm, I needed to get my thoughts straight and weeks passed… I didn't know how to explain myself to you so I just didn't…" Explain what to me exactly? I realize those months without contact were partly also my fault since I hadn't taken the time to talk to her much when we were all together at the wedding. "Then when –" She swallows audibly and her next words come out strained. "-Finn died, I didn't think my presence in Lima would have mattered much. I wanted to give you space…"

Explain what to me? What thoughts? We're both silent for a moment and I try to figure out how I best approach this without us both shedding tears, like we always did.

"Thank you for the flowers, I really appreciate it."

She finally takes her hands out of her hair and looks at me, smiling a little bit. "You're welcome."

"Why did you stop?"

"I doubted you wanted me to continue with it." Her brows furrow.

"I did want you to continue with it." I find it kind of strange why my anger seemed to seep away the moment she opened the door. She looks like she didn't mean any harm, so maybe that's the reason. Her expressions aren't the same as they were in high school and I'm very grateful for that. I study her face for a second, noticing how cute she is with glasses. I've never seen her in glasses before, and I've never seen her dress so casually before too. She was always perfect when she went to school, not a single hair out of place. Now she's looking…perfectly imperfect. Her hair is longer than I remember, her face a little bit more prominent, in a mature and beautiful kind of way.

"What are you thinking?" Her raspy voice pulls me out of my thoughts, it seems that my presence really takes a lot out of her. I quickly look at my hands in my lap.

"You just –" I gaze back at her, "you look really beautiful." I smile nervously, "with the glasses and all." I don't know why I'm this embarrassed, it's not like I never complimented her on her looks before.

Again, a blush grazes her cheeks and a big smile tugs at her lips before she clearly tries to suppress it. As if she doesn't want to smile because of it. Her expression turns serious all too quickly.


End file.
